The Marriage You Have Always Wanted
If you are reading this blog, most likely marriage is important to you. You may be happy in your marriage and want to keep it alive and growing. You may be struggling and dealing with a major or minor conflict. You may be single and want to prepare for marriage. Lastly, you may be divorced and want to prevent the pain you went through if you decide to remarry. Most of us, including me will admit that we have a great desire to have a lifetime of love and commitment to one person with whom we can share our life with. So how do we have the marriage we’ve always wanted? What are the secrets to a long lasting love?
I first want to begin and share that marriage is foremost about love. It is combined together by the care, need, companionship and values of two people. However love is not enough. The marriage relationship needs other aspects and ingredients to grow. These include the ingredients of freedom and responsibility. When two people are free to disagree; they are then free to love. When they are not free, they live in fear and love dies (Cloud & Townsend, 1999). Secondly, when two people take responsibility to do what best for the marriage, love can grow. Nevertheless, when they do not, one can take on too much responsibility and begin to resent the other.
Additionally, to have a successful marriage and the marriage you’ve always wanted, you have to:
- First enter marriage with the concept that Divorce is NOT an option, unless the relationship causes harm.
- Second remember that there is No such thing as a perfect marriage. With marriage there is much, and I mean MUCH assembly required! Any time two individuals live together, there are bound to be annoying, irritating, and frustrating experiences.
- Thirdly, understand that unexpressed frustrations in a marriage can pile up, which can create resentments. Learn to create an honest and trusting communication with your partner.
- Never Ever Stop Dating! Whether it’s a vacation in the Bahamas, or simply taking a walk together, keeps the romance burning, all you have to do is keep stoking the fire.
- To love means to give!
- Have Respect for each other. You cannot have love without respect. According to Emerson Eggerich, author of Love and Respect (2004) “It is the catalyst for all things beautiful in a relationship: trust, connection, authenticity, and love”.
- Lastly remember that every marriage and family has problems, but sometimes those problems seem so difficult that it seems impossible to address them. Feel assured that it’s OK and very beneficial to seek professional counseling.